The List...

I guess there comes a time when you have to make a list of what you are looking for in a relationship. After thinking for a few minutes this is what I came up with:

I am not a person who likes being lied to. Everyone says this but I take it very personally and have a habit of holding a grudge in this respect. I want the truth every time even if it's not pretty. Once you have broken my trust I will NEVER believe you completely again. And this is me being honest up front.

Don't try and manipulate me. I have seen the best and anything you throw at me will ensure that you will be dealing with an extremely angry person. I will not be held hostage emotionally.

If you take the time to get dressed up and look your best I do not want to hear about how bad you think you look. If you feel that bad about your looks then why did you spend all that time getting ready? I will compliment you freely and often but I will not be baited into doing such things.

I don't play jealousy games. If you think I don't care because some guy was hitting on you and I didn't say anything then we have a problem. I am secure enough with myself to know who you are leaving with. So if you meet someone else that's fine, obviously we weren't meant to be. At the same time do not get upset when  the opposite is true. I get a lot of attention from women but I'm coming home to you. Find your security in that.

When I've had a bad day do not pester me about what's wrong. I will talk to you when I feel like talking. I usually need a little while to work it all out in my head before I want to talk. The worst thing you can do is to keep nagging me to talk. This will only make me angry and I may redirect my frustration in your direction. I will talk to you, eventually.

I cannot stress how much I hate women who can't deal with my past. And I'm not just talking about my sexual history. Look, I had a life before I met you. A fairly long and detailed life. Don't get upset when things from the past come up and you feel left out because you  aren't in those stories. We all have a past, deal with it.

We don't have to agree on everything. That would just be boring. But know that if I disagree with something you say I'm going to challenge how well you know what you're talking about. It's what I do and I'm maddeningly good at it. I cannot stand conjecture. By the way, if you don't have a clue what conjecture is, then we have a problem as well.


I am not a mean person but I come off that way sometimes. I have a strange sense of humor and in a small way I emulate a sitcom in my daily life. So when I say something that is a little off kilter in my head I hear a laugh track. It's one of my quirks. My point of reference will more than likely be just outside of yours. It's okay, we'll cross paths eventually.

Do not have a chemical dependency of any kind. It's no secret that I stayed drunk for a fairly large chunk of my life and I'm not worried about relapsing because you drink. What I can't stand is someone who can't deal with reality and chemical dependency is all about running from what's bothering you. Drugs (especially marijuana) are for kids who think they're smarter than the room. If you're over 25 and still toking up you need to take a look at your life. As far as alcohol, it's expensive and makes people act like idiots. I'm not a fan.

And speaking of expensive, if you like to spend money frivolously just keep on spending far away from me. I am not a hippie but I don't need much and I want even less. Material items will just weigh you down and  cause unnecessary stress. Please have your finances under control. I'm not a bank and I'm not a loan officer so don't treat me like one.

And finally, I don't need a lot from sex. I've been around the block a few times and I've tried a lot but ultimately I like it simple. For someone who has a reputation for being a perv I'm pretty vanilla with my likes. Truth be told, the older I get the less sex really matters to me.

I guess I've really covered what I don't want in a relationship more than what I want. I'll be back with more at a later date.