Hello, I've Waited Here For You...

The iPod in my head has been on shuffle lately. I must say it has been an interesting mix. I never know where it's headed next but it's been fun. I can say that there is a reason for these random jumps, I have met someone and in a completely unlike me twist I am in love. And I mean IN LOVE!! More to follow...

'Cause I know how some of you feel about me...

I Wanna Be Forever Young...

Tonight a thirteen year old girl told me I acted her age rather than mine. And I guess there is some truth to that. She wasn't trying to imply that I was acting immature just that I don't act the way she imagined a thirty-six year old would act. I thought about it for a minute and told her that in truth no matter the number associated with your age we all really act the same until we die. The only difference is the amount of life experience we each acquire. I've experienced a lot more than she has because I've been alive for twenty-three years longer but ultimately life is the same for us all. Sure, each of our lives have their own unique moments that separate each of us from everyone else but we all hit the same beats along the way. Life is funny like that.

I hung out with a friend last night and we got to talking about some old times. In particular the summer of 1999. We had so much fun that year just running around being young. Road trips and movie premieres and hanging out at Waffle House to all hours of the night. Then he said something that made me think, "That was before alcohol became the social drug of choice." And he was right. That year was the last time I had fun without alcohol being a constant presence...in public. The truth is that was the year alcohol really took a hold on my life. It started out privately. I was living alone for the first time in my life and there were a lot of nights that I drank until I passed out. And I mean A LOT of nights. No one knew about it. It was my secret and I wanted it to stay that way. But that didn't last.

It's true that alcohol had been a part of my life prior and I had even had a problem with it in my early twenties but it started really getting bad once I was alone a lot. And it wasn't just that I was alone, I was lonely. That was the main thing that drove me to drink. I remember one time in particular when I went to see Keeping The Faith. I went by myself, which was and still is a common thing for me to do, and quickly realized it was a date movie. And I was the only single person in the theater. When the movie was over I went straight to the store, bought a twelve pack of beer and drank it all before I finally hit the bed around sunrise. Needless to say I woke up late for work and with a pounding headache. This became normal for me after a very short time.

Alcohol started to dull all my senses. Food didn't taste right, my sense of smell stopped being acute and I slowly stopped caring about the things I loved. Including people. It all became about a quick fix of everything concentrated into right now!! I lived like that for years. Way too many years. In the last ten months things have started to taste better and smell better (sometimes a lot worse than I want). But my sense of love has taken longer to reacquire. I just don't feel like I used to. And I mean feel as in music doesn't move me. On the same note when I meet a girl I don't get a charge. But the worst one is sex. I'm just not into it any longer. And yes, I blame years of alcohol abuse for all these things. Looking back I can draw a steadily descending line through my life as I became more and more dependent on alcohol.

I'm glad to have my life back now and on a positive note I have started to "feel" for music again. It's a growing love that I am privileged to experience twice in my life. For so many years I looked back at that time before alcohol and wished I could go back. At the time I thought it was because I missed my youth. Now I realize that it was a time of pure emotion and amazed wonder, before alcohol ruined it all.

The Music Of The Night...

I finally watched the VMAs tonight. I wasn't impressed in the slightest. I guess it's one of those situations where I have out-aged pop culture. This was the first time in several years that I've watched the VMAs and I don't feel I've missed anything. It seems that music has become like video games for me, I enjoy hearing about them more than playing them. I will say that it was refreshing to see Lady Gaga visibly nervous before each category was announced. Too often the people nominated sit there stoic trying not to look like they want to win. It's so un-PC to want to be named the best. And Kanye West reached the height of ego by writing and performing a song all himself. Let's have a toast to the douchebag.

I have been trying to write new songs for awhile now with no luck. More specifically I have been trying to write one song for the last three days. I have the music but no lyrics or melody. The worst part is that I have no idea what to write about. I'm not angry. I try to stay away from politics. Do we really need another love song? I was never any good at writing love songs anyway. I'm not old enough to start writing nostalgia. I don't have any stories about the open road. It's just all too passe. Apparently I peaked in my mid-twenties. Maybe I should leave the songwriting to the real songwriters and just be a performer.

Time It Was And What A Time It Was...

This is one of my old MySpace blogs from about five years ago. I thought it was worth re-visiting...

As a result of my uncontrollable deja vu I've decided to make a list of the cool things and places in Nashville that are no longer with us. Feel free to give me further suggestions:

Madison Music - Not because it was a great music store but more because I learned to play guitar inside their doors. I also met Colin there, which led to me meeting Ronnie and Bill. Three life long friends and the gift of music, that's truly special.


Sam Goodie’s (Rivergate) - I spend many hours and much money in that store. I also met Rob there years before we became friends. Now it's a Party City. Poor trade.

Karma - Where the Goths and Punks shopped before there was a Hot Topic. It was located on lower Broadway next to what is now Decades. There is a new store by this same name in the Five Points area, but I don't know if it's anything like the store I knew.


Dangerous Threads - Rock n' Roll clothes in a Country Music Town. I never bought anything here but I loved to go look every time I was on 2nd Ave. They got a little too ambitious and opened two other locations that ultimately dragged them all down.

Tower Books - This was a mandatory stop any time we would go to West End. They had the best magazine rack in town. Now it's just a small corner in the music store and Tweeter took its space.

Stone Mountain - The first place I saw someone do cocaine; an employee no less. Located above Papa John's Pizza on West End, it was part clothing store, part head shop and all cool. It suffered the same fate as Dangerous Threads as expansion to Hickory Hollow Mall and Murfreesboro stretched its coolness too thin.

Lucy's Record Shop - THE place to go for all-ages shows back in the day. Now it's just an abandoned store front. The Nashville Scene did a great article about it before it closed. Here is the link: http://www.nashvillescene.com/Stories/News/1998/01/29/A_Dog_s_Life/index.shtml


Ace Of Clubs - Where there was once a cool club now sits Bar Nashville. I won't even begin to express my thoughts on that place. Instead I will only think good thought about Ace of Clubs. If you've been to Bar then you know that you enter on the 2nd Ave. side. The Ace of Clubs had its entrance through the alleyway between 1st and 2nd. Everything was reversed from what it is now as well as a double catwalk and go-go dancers in cages.

Calypso Cafe (Rivergate) - I know that Calypso is still open but now I have to travel all the way downtown to get the best soup ever. Calypso closed less than a year ago but it feels like an eternity. Every time I drive by that location I look in the hope that it was all a bad dream.


Slow Bar - Slow Bar is the reason that the Five Points area is so cool. Mike Grimey bought that bar on a whim and turned it into a scene. Three Crow Bar is alright but it's a pale substitute.

Classic Cat - This was the destination of many an 18 year old male on their birthday. The Classic Cat was the most famous strip club in town due in part to all the bad press it got for its location. Situated on 8th Ave., behind Hume Fogg Magnet School, just down from a church and a few short blocks from Baptist Bookstore (now Lifeway Christian Resources) it irritated every religious and civic leader in the city. I never got to go there due to the fact that when I turned 18 none of my friends were old enough to get in. By the time we were all of age they had shut down. The building isn't even there any longer. I miss that tacky shinny pink exterior.

328 Performance Hall - The coolest live music venue ever. I saw some great shows there. Black Crowes, Tonic, GWAR, Type O Negative, Anthrax, Slash's Snake Pit, Flickerstick, Buckcherry, Everclear and many more. Some big names played there on their way to the top: NIN, Marilyn Manson, Pantera, Weezer, White Zombie, Alanis Morissette, Matchbox 20, Garth Brooks, Tool, Live, Korn, Rage Against The Machine, Third Eye Blind, Hootie and the Blowfish, Counting Crows, Foo Fighters, Jewel and the Dave Matthews Band. One of Nashville's premier weekly events (that is about to shut down as well) started in the side room of 328: Johnny Jackson's Soul Satisfaction. Progress mandated that the building should not stand in the way of a bridge and now there is just a hole in the ground on 4th Ave. where this great venue once stood.

Guido's Pizzeria - Located directly behind Ben & Jerry's on 21st Ave. South, Guido's had a special place in my heart. That was the first stage I ever performed my music on. Waaaay back in 1994 Colin, Justin, Derrick and I hoped up on that small-ass stage and played at eleven until we ran everyone onto the patio except for the few people we brought with us. Ahh, youth. The influx of hot Vanderbilt girls, music and great Chicago pizza kept me coming back for more. There is still a restaurant in that building but it’s just not the same.


Mainstreet - The club to play if you were in a rock band in the early 90's. Located on (where else?) Main Street in Murphreesboro it was Mecca for every Eddie Vedder or Anthony Keidis wannabe. Cool stage, cool lights and cool bartenders who almost never carded. It became a Yuppie bar with ferns and then Bongo Johnny's. I don't know what it is now but I'm sure it's a far cry from its former grunge rock glory.


The Connection - There would never have been an Excess or Tribe if not for The Connection. Located in one of the worst parts of town it was a great place to get your gay on. Or just hang out and look at hot chicks. I had one of the funniest experiences of my life when I was there with my best friend Kim and her girlfriend a few years ago. I ran into a guy I graduated high school with. I, not being one to let anyone off easy, walked up to him and started a conversation. I have never seen anyone look so uncomfortable in my life. After a few pleasantries I told him I needed to get back to my group. As I started to walk away he blurted out, "I'm not gay!" I assured him that it was ok because I too was there as a heterosexual observer. He replied, "That's cool. I just want you to know I'm not gay!" I walked away laughing to myself. I hear they may re-open and if they do I may have to go check it out again for old time’s sake.

The Underground - Commonly referred to as "that place where all the weirdoes hangout", its location on 2nd Ave was odd considering how touristy that strip is. This was the place to go if you weren't up for the regular dance clubs. I never went to the Underground when it was in its heyday but from what I hear Kristy can tell a few stories. If I'm not mistaken Kim was a semi-regular as well. It's been a series of failed clubs since the Underground closed and I believe the building is vacant now. It should probably stay that way.

City Mix Factory - The first multi-club establishment in Nashville. I spent many nights watching barely dressed girls grind on that dance floor. Being one that doesn't dance I drank a lot and absorbed the atmosphere. Those were good times. The Mix Factory was featured on the second season of Road Rules and had the honor of having Vanilla Ice play the night they shut-down (this was in 2000, long after Vanilla Ice was the joke that he is). The Mix Factory was the place to go for several years until they had a string of shootings and assaults that ultimately led to its closing.

Thunder 94 - This was a great radio station. I miss it more than anything else on this list. Except maybe 328. 

That's all I have for now but, as I said before, feel free to write me with your most missed coolness.

You're My Best Friend...

I'm a great substitute boyfriend. And on a smaller level I'm a pretty good substitute gay best friend. Over the years I have consistently had really close female friends the kind you would see in a romantic comedy but without the underlying sexual tension. Eventually we all grew apart mostly due to new relationships. Usually I have been the one left behind for a new love. Even at thirty-six I am still amazed at how easily someone can just pick up and never look back. But that's a story for another blog.

What I am getting at here is that in the last two years I have lost three really close girl friends because of new relationships. But it goes back much farther than that. All the way back to elementary school I have had a string of girls who loved me until they found a new boyfriend and then they were gone. To their credit most of them stayed gone after the relationships ended. But while we were friends I was their world. Always there when they had fat days and bad hair days, when they needed advice on boys or were having girl drama. I can't tell you how many times I've been referred to as "one of the girls."

But I'm not one of the girls and I'm tired of being seen that way. It's true that I have a certain need for close girl friends in my life but that doesn't mean I'm always going to be there as a back up plan. With everything else that I'm going through right now some re-evaluation seems to be in order for all aspects of my life, including this one. I miss having a best friend but being a substitute boyfriend is not a title I'm eager to reclaim.

Where Do We Go From Here...

I know I've been complaining about my (lack of a) love life lately. It's just that for the better part of a decade I consistently had a girlfriend or a wife or a friend with benefits. In the last year I have had no one. Okay, no one of consequence (sorry, you know who). This is completely foreign to me. Not because of ego or vanity but mainly because I can't figure out why. It's true that I am fairly picky about the women I date. It is also true that I have been pretty absorbed with work as of late. And it is also true that I just don't go out much these days so the opportunity to meet someone isn't really there. Plus, I'm finding that my tolerance for bullshit is hitting a new low. So party girls are out of the question. I'm sorry girls, it was fun while it lasted. On the flip side of this I'm really not looking to settle down and start making babies either. I've survived thirty-six years without kids, I think I can make it thirty-six more. That's not to say I can't or won't change my mind (I'm channeling my feminine side here). It just means that I'm not ready for that yet. Who knows, maybe I'll meet someone tomorrow.

On a somewhat related note, someone I know recently told me that they could see me dating Katy Perry. I'm not quite sure how to take that. Did they mean that I would be with someone young and hot with a musical side? Or did they mean that I'm a loudmouthed jackass like Russell Brand? I'm sure you all have a comment for this one....

And Knowing Is Half The Battle...

Since Dragon*Con was this last weekend I thought I'd share my thoughts on the state of the Geek. It ain't pretty...

I've got some news for you geeks. You didn't win. You are not the new cool. You are not on the cutting edge of culture. For the past few years all the over weight, comic book reading, internet blogging, "I was a fan before you" geeks who have been holed up in their mother's basement since graduating high school have been crowing about winning the fight. First off, there was no fight. Geek culture went down like a fat kid in a dodge-ball game once the checkbook came out. Your "culture" was bought with a whimper not a bang. And let's be honest, Hollywood didn't exactly come calling until X-Men made bank at the box office. Now every property is being bought up before the first issue hits the shelf.

As far as being the new cool (or "sexy" as I've heard recently), it never happened. Attractive people who have co-oped your "culture" are sexy. It's just like punk rock in the 90's, once the captain of the football team is wearing a Ramones t-shirt (or in this case a Flash t-shirt) it's over. It is true that television shows like Chuck and The Big Bang Theory have main characters that love all things geek. But all the actors on those shows are attractive, shapely and social well adjusted. Congratulations, you can't even live up to your own standard bearers. But take heart, at the rate America is getting fat you'll be a stud before long.

Probably the worst lie that has come out of the geek chic movement is the myth of the hot geek girl. Just like the hot goth girl and the Loch Ness monster the hot geek girl only exists in movies and the minds of those who want to believe. Sorry guys, the truth hurts sometimes. I should know because I'm one of you. Well, not really. It is true that I have read a large amount of comics, talked for hours about Star Wars and played way too many video games to ever be considered one of the cool kids. But that's fine, I'm in my mid-thirties and all that stuff is mostly in my past. As are my days as an all-star pitcher. Oh yeah, I was someone who played sports and played in a band (that's A band not THE band) as well as watched Star Trek: The Next Generation and read Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in all its black & white glory. I had the best of both worlds and it was great. You should strive to be like that. Not like me but more socially adjusted.

I said all that to say this, it's time for the real geeks to stop crowing and start showing. Get out from in front of the computer and go outside. Learn to socially interact with people, it's not as hard as you think. Stop being the butt of the joke. Probably the worst part of this "geek" movement is that the writers and producers still take every opportunity to point out all the stereotypes associated with being a geek. The worst offender being Olivia Munn who built her popularity on your back then bolted G4 as soon as she got a chance. The whole time making fun of you to your face. And one more thing, in real life Penny and Leonard would NEVER be friends let alone lovers. 

Like I said, the truth hurts. Good luck with that Scarlett Spider costume for San Diego next year.