In early September of 2000 I was unemployed. I had no direction in my life and I lived for only a few things: sex, parties and my daily dose of Beverly Hills, 90210. Life was good. One late afternoon I awoke and looked up at the television.
I had (and still have) a tendency to sleep with the television on. The reason I had slept into the late afternoon was because the night before there was a huge party at my place to celebrate the 18th birthday for two of my former co-workers. Hell, they were friends and how could I not throw the birthday party that they wanted?
So I had been up all night. I had finally hit the bed around ten o'clock that morning and was slightly hung over. I opened my eyes and saw Rebecca Rankin on the tube talking about the new Cameron Crowe movie. I had heard he was making a new movie but hadn't read more than a blurb in Rolling Stone magazine a few months earlier.
As the late afternoon sun shown through my bedroom window, behind my television, I saw this:
My world changed that afternoon. I was obsessed from the first time I saw that clip. I HAD to see that movie! It was not scheduled to release for another couple weeks, but I got a phone call a few days later from my friend Andy. He had gotten a hold of a couple tickets for the sneak preview. I was there!
The night of the sneak peek I was so consumed with anticipation that I could barely contain myself. The movie started and I was totally consumed with all that it offered. I fell in love with Penny Lane, Russell Hammond and William Miller that night. And more importantly I re-fell in love with music.
I had been playing in a band for close to a year at that point and things just hadn't been going well. Basically we couldn't keep a coherent line-up. Seeing Almost Famous did not make a good band but it rekindled a desire to play. It was my inspiration for a looong time there after. That movie is not about being a teenager, or a rock star or a groupie. It's about the music.
Even though I fell back in love with music the night I saw Almost Famous a part of me died that night as well. I realized that I was not going to be the rock star I wanted to be. I was just going to be ordinary the rest of my life. That's the great (and awful) thing about art, it makes you strive to be better and it also makes you realize just how ordinary you really are. That night I knew it was never going to happen to me. I was a pale imitation of my heroes.
But it was okay. I had the music I loved to tell the story of my life and make it complete. And it did. It helped me through break-ups. It helped me get through career anxieties. And it helped me get through national tragedies. Somewhere inside of all that I found a reason to keep going. I can thank Almost Famous and the musical inspiration it gave me to keep on going. I love that movie and I love the promise it represents. If I ever meet Cameron Crowe I will thank him for that wondrous movie that sent my head spinning and made me dream bigger than I ever had before.
October 17, 2008
Now I'm Playing With Power
In June 1986 my dad owed me some money. I was twelve years old and five months early, for my birthday, I had received a substantial amount of money for my age, $300.00. My Dad had borrowed said money for bills and I had never let him forget that I was owed that money. Finally, after school had let out for the Summer I had been granted the right to spend said money. Initially I wanted the cash but as the months wore on something else had captured my eye. There was this strange new gaming console that had piqued my interest a few months back. Its name: the Nintendo Entertainment System.
I can still remember the commercials: Two kids sitting in a living room (one of them would later play Scott, the kid who was friends with David Silver until David got cool new friends, on Beverly Hills, 90210) playing various Nintendo games until the sheer power of the NES blasts their suburban home into space. To further emphasize their point the voice over simultaneously announced “Now You’re Playing With Power!” as the slogan flashed across the screen. I HAD TO HAVE ONE!!!
For months I had been obsessing. I needed this new gaming system! My old Atari 2600 was still kind of cool but this new Nintendo system blew that old seventies hold over away. The future was here and its name was NINTENDO!
On a Friday evening in June, 1986 my Dad had to play a make-up softball game due to a rain-out. I was still too young to play in the league but was anxious to get started. Still, that night was strange. During batting practice Dad was pitching to our own team and caught a line drive in the forearm. I, being only twelve years old, was less concerned with his condition and more concerned with my video game. I had been promised we would go to Target after the game and purchase my new obsession. I was concerned with Dad’s well being but I HAD to have my new game. Tomorrow was just too far away!
To Dad’s credit he played the entire game and led our team to a victory with a fractured forearm. And, to my eternal gratitude, he passed on the hospital opting for a minor emergency clinic instead. We were there about an hour when they finally told him he had a hair-line fracture and a cast would not be necessary. I was glad he wasn’t injured but I had bigger plans for that night. Target was still open and I had a destiny! Luckily the clinic was just down the road from Target and there was still about forty-five minutes before they closed. To me time was running out!
Once there I went straight for the electronics department. I knew where Nintendo lived and I was not about to let it slip through my hands. I rounded the corner, ran full force and stopped dead in my tracks in front of the end cap that housed my intended destiny. Dad followed slowly behind and eventually found me jumping up and down in place. He lifted the console bundle off the shelf and into the basket. I was set, the bundle included Super Mario Bros., a light gun and two controllers. That’s all I needed! The system was on sale for $149.99 and I figured I would pocket the rest of the money for later. But a monkey wrench was thrown in my plan.
Dad asked me if I wanted any other games. I was not prepared for this. Suddenly a strange euphoria came over my twelve-year-old person. I had more money to spend. This was a development that I could not control. I had to spend more money! And I did. Hogan’s Alley, Pro Wrestling, Gumshoe, Duck Hunt and Excitebike all came home with me that night. Being still young enough to have a bedtime, even during summer months, I only had time to hook-up my new vice and play Super Mario Bros. for about a couple hours.
All night I dreamt of my new acquisition in wanton lust. This was the future of gaming and I had one. I had the power to master all things digital! I would be the best there was at every game put in my path! Saturday morning rolled around and I arose early to face my new temptress. I played every game I bought the night before. I played and played and played until my Dad came into my bedroom with an angry look on his face.
“Do you have any idea what time it is?” he asked with a face of stone. “I don’t know, 10 o’clock?” I replied. “It’s 2:30 in the afternoon,” he said. “Now turn that thing off and come eat some lunch.” I could not believe that I had lost almost 7 hours of the day to video games. I was in heaven but my parents didn’t see it that way. Strict regulations befell my video game playing from there on out.
Over the next few years a lot of video games passed threw my NES. Ghosts n Goblins, Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy, Golf, Legend of Zelda, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, Top Gun, and Double Dribble just to name a few. I lost countless hours and several summers to the Nintendo. I entered a local competition when I was sixteen at a video rental store. The game was Ninja Gaiden. I had only played Ninja Gaiden 2 but still ranked in the top five. That same summer I went to Bush Gardens with my family and happened upon an Excitebike competition. I placed third.
Because of Nintendo I went to the theater and saw the movie The Wizard with Fred Savage and Jenny Lewis just because it was going to preview Super Mario Bros. 3. If you’ve seen that movie you know my shame. Yes, I owned the Power Glove. No, I never learned to use it and if you owned one you probably never learned to use it either. As the years went by other gaming systems came along and on a fateful late spring day in 1993 I discovered a new video game system I couldn’t live without. I sold my Nintendo the next day and bought a Sega Genesis. But that is a story for another day
I can still remember the commercials: Two kids sitting in a living room (one of them would later play Scott, the kid who was friends with David Silver until David got cool new friends, on Beverly Hills, 90210) playing various Nintendo games until the sheer power of the NES blasts their suburban home into space. To further emphasize their point the voice over simultaneously announced “Now You’re Playing With Power!” as the slogan flashed across the screen. I HAD TO HAVE ONE!!!
For months I had been obsessing. I needed this new gaming system! My old Atari 2600 was still kind of cool but this new Nintendo system blew that old seventies hold over away. The future was here and its name was NINTENDO!
On a Friday evening in June, 1986 my Dad had to play a make-up softball game due to a rain-out. I was still too young to play in the league but was anxious to get started. Still, that night was strange. During batting practice Dad was pitching to our own team and caught a line drive in the forearm. I, being only twelve years old, was less concerned with his condition and more concerned with my video game. I had been promised we would go to Target after the game and purchase my new obsession. I was concerned with Dad’s well being but I HAD to have my new game. Tomorrow was just too far away!
To Dad’s credit he played the entire game and led our team to a victory with a fractured forearm. And, to my eternal gratitude, he passed on the hospital opting for a minor emergency clinic instead. We were there about an hour when they finally told him he had a hair-line fracture and a cast would not be necessary. I was glad he wasn’t injured but I had bigger plans for that night. Target was still open and I had a destiny! Luckily the clinic was just down the road from Target and there was still about forty-five minutes before they closed. To me time was running out!
Once there I went straight for the electronics department. I knew where Nintendo lived and I was not about to let it slip through my hands. I rounded the corner, ran full force and stopped dead in my tracks in front of the end cap that housed my intended destiny. Dad followed slowly behind and eventually found me jumping up and down in place. He lifted the console bundle off the shelf and into the basket. I was set, the bundle included Super Mario Bros., a light gun and two controllers. That’s all I needed! The system was on sale for $149.99 and I figured I would pocket the rest of the money for later. But a monkey wrench was thrown in my plan.
Dad asked me if I wanted any other games. I was not prepared for this. Suddenly a strange euphoria came over my twelve-year-old person. I had more money to spend. This was a development that I could not control. I had to spend more money! And I did. Hogan’s Alley, Pro Wrestling, Gumshoe, Duck Hunt and Excitebike all came home with me that night. Being still young enough to have a bedtime, even during summer months, I only had time to hook-up my new vice and play Super Mario Bros. for about a couple hours.
All night I dreamt of my new acquisition in wanton lust. This was the future of gaming and I had one. I had the power to master all things digital! I would be the best there was at every game put in my path! Saturday morning rolled around and I arose early to face my new temptress. I played every game I bought the night before. I played and played and played until my Dad came into my bedroom with an angry look on his face.
“Do you have any idea what time it is?” he asked with a face of stone. “I don’t know, 10 o’clock?” I replied. “It’s 2:30 in the afternoon,” he said. “Now turn that thing off and come eat some lunch.” I could not believe that I had lost almost 7 hours of the day to video games. I was in heaven but my parents didn’t see it that way. Strict regulations befell my video game playing from there on out.
Over the next few years a lot of video games passed threw my NES. Ghosts n Goblins, Super Mario Bros. 2, Super Mario Bros. 3, Dragon Warrior, Final Fantasy, Golf, Legend of Zelda, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, Top Gun, and Double Dribble just to name a few. I lost countless hours and several summers to the Nintendo. I entered a local competition when I was sixteen at a video rental store. The game was Ninja Gaiden. I had only played Ninja Gaiden 2 but still ranked in the top five. That same summer I went to Bush Gardens with my family and happened upon an Excitebike competition. I placed third.
Because of Nintendo I went to the theater and saw the movie The Wizard with Fred Savage and Jenny Lewis just because it was going to preview Super Mario Bros. 3. If you’ve seen that movie you know my shame. Yes, I owned the Power Glove. No, I never learned to use it and if you owned one you probably never learned to use it either. As the years went by other gaming systems came along and on a fateful late spring day in 1993 I discovered a new video game system I couldn’t live without. I sold my Nintendo the next day and bought a Sega Genesis. But that is a story for another day
September 26, 2008
Insomniac's Dream
I don't sleep. Ok, I don't sleep like a normal person. I never have. Even when I was a baby I did not sleep through the night. At least that's what my Mom has told me, I don't really remember. But it sounds like something I would (not) do. When I was in college my insomnia got completely out of whack and I stayed awake for close to four days. I was extremely pale and lost a visible amount of weight in just four days. Plus the dark circles under the eyes and the deadening of all the senses are really good times.
If you are one of the lucky ones that does not suffer from this affliction let me try and draw you a picture. Actually the best two examples I can come up with are both movies. Fight Club and The Machinist are both excellent examples of what the world looks like after a few days of not sleeping. The only difference is that those are movies and real life is no where near as cool.
I say all of this because I cannot sleep. Looking back on the past week I can count one night where I slept more than three hours in a row, and that was actually during the day Wednesday. I can also count four days (not in a row) of no sleep what so ever. I need drugs.
If you are one of the lucky ones that does not suffer from this affliction let me try and draw you a picture. Actually the best two examples I can come up with are both movies. Fight Club and The Machinist are both excellent examples of what the world looks like after a few days of not sleeping. The only difference is that those are movies and real life is no where near as cool.
I say all of this because I cannot sleep. Looking back on the past week I can count one night where I slept more than three hours in a row, and that was actually during the day Wednesday. I can also count four days (not in a row) of no sleep what so ever. I need drugs.
September 23, 2008
Of monkeys and...well, monkeys
Monkeys are funny. If they weren't such shit throwing little bastards I might be convinced to have one of my own. But it seems that monkeys only have a certain capacity for caring about other monkeys. Scientists call this a Monkey Sphere. You can read about it here: http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html
This makes perfect sense to me. What that says about me is up for debate but I believe that we, as humans, can expand our range of caring better than monkeys. Having said that, I am currently trying to expand my monkey sphere. Not globally mind you. That would just be ludicrous. No dear readers, I am currently taking applications for new friends. I still love (ok, mildly like) my old friends but I believe that new friends keep you young (or at least immature).
Who am I kidding, only my old friends read this thing and my capacity to care is about as big as a snow pea. Enjoy the above article.
This makes perfect sense to me. What that says about me is up for debate but I believe that we, as humans, can expand our range of caring better than monkeys. Having said that, I am currently trying to expand my monkey sphere. Not globally mind you. That would just be ludicrous. No dear readers, I am currently taking applications for new friends. I still love (ok, mildly like) my old friends but I believe that new friends keep you young (or at least immature).
Who am I kidding, only my old friends read this thing and my capacity to care is about as big as a snow pea. Enjoy the above article.
September 19, 2008
Roll Tide Roll!!
I have lived in Tennessee my entire life. Having said that, look closely at the shirt I am wearing in this picture. That's right, I pull for the University of Alabama Crimson Tide. The vast majority of my family and friends are University of Tennessee fans. Some because they went to school there. Some because they have family who went to school there. But mostly it's because they live in Tennessee and by God they bleed Orange! Because of this most of them cannot figure out why I pull for the Tide. Well, I'll tell ya. Twelve National Championships, 21 SEC championships and the greatest football coach of all time, Paul "Bear" Bryant. That and they routinely kick the crap out of UT. This makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
Why? Look at the picture to the right. Notice I am wearing a Vanderbilt wind breaker. My Grandfather, Father and Uncle all went o Vandy and I grew up in the stands watching them find new ways to lose games. Add on top of that all the obnoxious orange and white that holds my beloved state captive year 'round and it makes for one pissed off young sports fan. I endured many, many years of ridicule from classmates as well as people on the street for being a Vandy fan. Luckily for me I had family in Alabama who had opened my eyes to the crimson and white years earlier. So anytime a self-righteous UT fan started giving me crap for my Vandy t-shirt I would ask them when how long it had been since they beat the Tide. This coupled with insults about graduation rates and national collegiate ranking did not earn me very many new friends.
Years rolled by and I got older but my love for College Football only grew.
That's me on New Year's Day 1992. I was 17-years-old and just a few months from graduation. I remember that New Year's pretty vividly. Not for the football per se (although I do seem to remember watching UT blow a second half lead to Penn State that was funny to watch) but more for being around good friends and knowing that life was about to change. It was a good year. Plus I discovered Jenga that day. Many drunken nights trying to pull little blocks out from under other blocks followed in the years to come.
The best thing about that year was my Tide won it's twelfth National Championship in the Sugar Bowl against the hated Miami Hurricanes. I'm sure Gino Torretta probably still has nightmares about that Alabama defensive line.
For the next seven years Alabama's fortune wained and it got down right ugly in the mid-90's with recruiting violations and losing several games in a row to hated rivals. But things have turned around since Nick Saban came to Tuscaloosa and this year looks to be a big step toward a return to the top of the polls. It should be an interesting Fall. Roll Tide, Roll!!
September 15, 2008
We Don't Need No Education
This has been a doubly fun day for academics...sorta. Not only was I a captive audience here at the golf course for two older gentlemen and their ranting about how to make sure children do well in school, but then I stumbled across this today: http://chronicle.com/jobs/news/2008/08/2008080101c.htm
The old men at the golf course were railing on and on about "you have to make kids do homework" and "back in my day...." I just can't stomach much "back in my day..." posturing. Actually, I've never been able to tolerate that saying. "Your" day is gone and one has to wonder why things have changed so much if they were so good back then. I do believe that our education system coddles students too much but we don't need a return to corporal punishment and only studying the "classics." Those works do have their place in academia but to ignore any work of art created after 1900 is just lazy and elitist.
Speaking of elitist, William Pannapacker holds the party line tighter than Joseph Stalin in the above link. In my opinion the leading cause of classroom apathy is educators who believe themselves to be so superior to their classroom that they will not make an effort to help every student or refuse to embrace new technologies under the guise of real education coming from books with pages not from computers and iPods. They should ask the print media how that attitude has nearly sunk that formerly golden industry. Ultimately I cannot stand to be talked down to because I don't have an interest in War & Peace and neither does your average student.
Now, I am one who believes that education is an untapped commodity for most people (especially considering that public school is FREE). Granted if you had asked me when I was in high school I would have told you that most of what they taught us was a waste of time (and I still maintain that opinion about certain parts of it). But my attitude changed once I got to college and started getting a better look at what was being taught rather than just being expected to memorize and recite boring "facts." Plus I realized how little students are learning in twelve years of free education. I cannot tell you how many times I heard the phrase "well, we never had to learn that" in a college classroom.
Of course I also heard the phrase "I won't need any of this because I'm gonna be a famous _____." I have yet to see anyone who uttered that phrase on a red carpet.
That attitude seems to dominate our culture to the point that kids these days (I know, I'm getting old) think that they are going to be famous and therefore do not need an education. Well good luck not being hammered on pop culture blogs or The Soup for not knowing how to form a complete, coherent sentence. And yes, Math is something you are going to need in order to count your millions. Actually don't learn Math. That way it will be more entertaining for the rest of us when you file for bankruptcy after your accountant skips the country with all your money. But I digress.
What I'm getting at is that education is something that can never hurt you. Should everyone go to college? No. It's not for everyone. I know people who never set foot in a college classroom and have gone on to great success in their lives. In some cases life experience is a greater educator than a classroom. And judging by how little high school graduates really know (I went back to school a few years ago and found this out first hand) I believe it is time to upend the education system and start over. I agree that people should have a basic knowledge of language, math and the galaxy, but advanced Algebra and Chemistry should be available to students planning to be engineering majors and not forced on uninterested art students.
Ultimately education falls squarely on the students themselves. I never learned anything I didn't want to learn. Sure I memorised facts and figures to my short term memory (usually right before the test) but never thought about them again and so they escaped from my brain. Does this make me less educated than other people? In some areas, sure. But in other areas of emphasis I know more than that person. It all evens out eventually. Besides I didn't need to know Algebra, I was going to be a famous rock star.
The old men at the golf course were railing on and on about "you have to make kids do homework" and "back in my day...." I just can't stomach much "back in my day..." posturing. Actually, I've never been able to tolerate that saying. "Your" day is gone and one has to wonder why things have changed so much if they were so good back then. I do believe that our education system coddles students too much but we don't need a return to corporal punishment and only studying the "classics." Those works do have their place in academia but to ignore any work of art created after 1900 is just lazy and elitist.
Speaking of elitist, William Pannapacker holds the party line tighter than Joseph Stalin in the above link. In my opinion the leading cause of classroom apathy is educators who believe themselves to be so superior to their classroom that they will not make an effort to help every student or refuse to embrace new technologies under the guise of real education coming from books with pages not from computers and iPods. They should ask the print media how that attitude has nearly sunk that formerly golden industry. Ultimately I cannot stand to be talked down to because I don't have an interest in War & Peace and neither does your average student.
Now, I am one who believes that education is an untapped commodity for most people (especially considering that public school is FREE). Granted if you had asked me when I was in high school I would have told you that most of what they taught us was a waste of time (and I still maintain that opinion about certain parts of it). But my attitude changed once I got to college and started getting a better look at what was being taught rather than just being expected to memorize and recite boring "facts." Plus I realized how little students are learning in twelve years of free education. I cannot tell you how many times I heard the phrase "well, we never had to learn that" in a college classroom.
Of course I also heard the phrase "I won't need any of this because I'm gonna be a famous _____." I have yet to see anyone who uttered that phrase on a red carpet.
That attitude seems to dominate our culture to the point that kids these days (I know, I'm getting old) think that they are going to be famous and therefore do not need an education. Well good luck not being hammered on pop culture blogs or The Soup for not knowing how to form a complete, coherent sentence. And yes, Math is something you are going to need in order to count your millions. Actually don't learn Math. That way it will be more entertaining for the rest of us when you file for bankruptcy after your accountant skips the country with all your money. But I digress.
What I'm getting at is that education is something that can never hurt you. Should everyone go to college? No. It's not for everyone. I know people who never set foot in a college classroom and have gone on to great success in their lives. In some cases life experience is a greater educator than a classroom. And judging by how little high school graduates really know (I went back to school a few years ago and found this out first hand) I believe it is time to upend the education system and start over. I agree that people should have a basic knowledge of language, math and the galaxy, but advanced Algebra and Chemistry should be available to students planning to be engineering majors and not forced on uninterested art students.
Ultimately education falls squarely on the students themselves. I never learned anything I didn't want to learn. Sure I memorised facts and figures to my short term memory (usually right before the test) but never thought about them again and so they escaped from my brain. Does this make me less educated than other people? In some areas, sure. But in other areas of emphasis I know more than that person. It all evens out eventually. Besides I didn't need to know Algebra, I was going to be a famous rock star.
September 13, 2008
Should've Been A Cowboy
That's me, I'm guessing about 4 or 5 years old. I do know this is at Christmas time and it's at my Grandparent's house. That woman over my left shoulder is my aunt Cynthia. Of all my family I'm probably the most like her. And if things had been a little different she might have been my mother. But that's a story for a different day (and not as weird as it sounds).
Little boys go through many, many phases in their lives and each little boy has his own unique "when I grow up I wanna be a ____." But all little boys at some point in their lives go through two distinct phases: firemen and cowboys. I REALLY wanted to be a cowboy when I was a kid. To this day my favorite sports team is the Dallas Cowboys. When I was a kid my favorite song was "Rhinestone Cowboy" (on a side note, there is a picture somewhere of me wearing that hat, holding a plastic blue guitar and singing "Rhinestone Cowboy." If I find it I'll post it as well) Are you starting to see a trend?
Anyway, I remember that hat and holster. They were some of my favorite things when I was a kid. I wore the hat and holster until it didn't fit me anymore and I had that metal cap gun until it rusted because I left it out in the rain. A few years ago I went through all my old toys and either sold them on ebay or threw them away. I seem to remember the hat going to the dump. I don't remember what happened to the holster. I do know that the white plastic bullets broke mysteriously about six months after the Christmas pictured above and were thrown away.
One thing that stuck in my head was the day John Wayne died. I have a very vivid memory of that night. My aunt Cynthia and uncle John were at the house and us kids were playing in front of the tv. The adults were playing Rook in the dinning room. It was June of 1979. In the middle of whatever re-run was on the tv a public service tape rolled across the bottom of the screen anouncing that John Wayne had died of cancer. The whole house fell silent for a few moments. The only other times I have ever seen television interupted to announce a celebrity death was Elvis and Frank Sinatra. John Wayne was a man's man and in my house he was held in the highest reguard (on par with Elvis but just below Jesus). To this day if AMC of TCM are showing a John Wayne western marathon you cannot move me from in front of the television.
I guess with most things in life you either grow out of them or grow apart from them. I never really grew out of the cowboy phase. When I was in high school the movie Young Guns came out and once it hit video I watched it every day for about six months. And I mean EVERY day. I could quote that movie from beginning to end. Then in 1993 Toby Keith released the song "Should've Been A Cowboy" and even though I was not a huge fan of country music at the time I did love that song. Especially since my Dallas Cowboys were on a run of winning back to back Super Bowls. How 'bout them Cowboys!!
You're probably looking at the picture above and asking yourself "what's so embarrassing about it?" Well here is where the shame comes in:
Yep, that's me and my Dad in Gatlinburg, 1995. I should've known better. But hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Nothing good ever follows that phrase.
But still, from time to time I break out my hat, (granted it's more Nikki Sixx than Roy Rogers these days), turn on the cowboy songs ("Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys," "El Paso," "Pancho and Lefty," and "Rhinestone Cowboy" are favorites and get many plays on my iPod) and think about what it could have been like. Then I remember that I like modern technology way too much. But still men never grow out of being a little boy and this little boy should've been a cowboy.
September 10, 2008
Tonight, Tonight
Yes, as I sit here drinking Michelob Honey Lager I am reminded of days (and nights) from the Summer of 1998. I had just graduated from college and I discovered this sweet nectar of the gods when I was browsing the beer aisle at the grocery store. Honey Lager was the only beer I drank that Summer. Whether it was sitting on the front porch or hanging out at Loco Lupe's, Honey Lager was my companion.
As time went on we grew apart and it was many years until I again purchased my friend from days gone by. But tonight while I was at the grocery store I happened to look up and see it sitting there in the cooler. To top it off, it was on sale. Sometimes revisiting old friends and loves can be a great thing. I believe I might hold on to this friendship for a while longer.
September 8, 2008
Family Pictures
A while back I got this idea to go through my parent's picture albums and pull some of the embarrassing pics to post and comment on. Well, I did scan a few pictures and believe me they are pretty embarrassing. So now I am going to start posting and commenting on them here. I'm sure I will never regret this decision.
Parents love to take these pictures for some reason. The bare skin baby pic is always good times when you're a teenager and make the mistake of bringing a girl home to meet the parents. I'm not sure what is encoded in parental DNA that makes them think dragging out the family photo album is a good idea whenever company comes over, but showing photos like these to a new girlfriend borders on child abuse. Of course after looking through the family photo album this one was the least of my worries. I'm just glad the parents had a small amount of restraint.
Looking at myself lying there naked with a confused look on my face reminds me of the first I had sex. I believe the expression was the same. Actually, I think that might be the same expression I get every time I have sex. It's nice to know somethings never change.
September 6, 2008
Bad News
Here is a list of phrases you never want to hear (trust me):
"It's not you, it's me"
"Could you step into my office"
"We need to talk"
"I love you, but..."
"This is for the best"
"The test results just came back"
"One day you're gonna look back on this and laugh"
"Will you accept a collect call from..."
"This is just a formality"
"You have the right to remain silent"
"I just need a little time to figure out some things"
"Could you step out of your car?"
"This will only hurt for a moment"
"Let's be friends"
"It's not you, it's me"
"Could you step into my office"
"We need to talk"
"I love you, but..."
"This is for the best"
"The test results just came back"
"One day you're gonna look back on this and laugh"
"Will you accept a collect call from..."
"This is just a formality"
"You have the right to remain silent"
"I just need a little time to figure out some things"
"Could you step out of your car?"
"This will only hurt for a moment"
"Let's be friends"
September 5, 2008
A Crisis-less Crisis of Faith
It's true. I never thought that questioning my faith would be so easy or happen so quietly but it has happened and I don't have any answers for it. So I have been looking back over my life and trying to figure out where it happened. The only thing I have been able to come up with is that I was never a big believer to begin with. From the time I was a child I just wanted to sleep in on Sunday mornings or watch tv on Sunday and Wednesday nights. Church was something that I was made to attend. Until I was a teenager and we switched churches I really never cared to go. Of course the only reason I wanted to go then was because there were new girls to make my life miserable. Good times.
On the opposite side of this I do believe that most religions have a good foundation of values and morals. I also believe that most religions have a good philosophy for living life at their core. I just fail to see how one can be better than another. I do still believe that there is a creator. I could never believe that everything just happened one day. I suspicion that deep down most scientists see how ridiculous the Big Bang Theory really is. That's just what's going on in my head right now.
On a similar note, I am glad that I was not raised a Scientologist. I think this sums up that mess of a "religion":
"Chewbacca defeated Xenu with the ruby of Cyttorak, but his thetan will reform in the tentacled spawn of Tom Cruise to kill the Smurfs if it's the last thing it does. Captain Kirk has to fight it, and Voltron is all PCHU-PCHU!"
On the opposite side of this I do believe that most religions have a good foundation of values and morals. I also believe that most religions have a good philosophy for living life at their core. I just fail to see how one can be better than another. I do still believe that there is a creator. I could never believe that everything just happened one day. I suspicion that deep down most scientists see how ridiculous the Big Bang Theory really is. That's just what's going on in my head right now.
On a similar note, I am glad that I was not raised a Scientologist. I think this sums up that mess of a "religion":
"Chewbacca defeated Xenu with the ruby of Cyttorak, but his thetan will reform in the tentacled spawn of Tom Cruise to kill the Smurfs if it's the last thing it does. Captain Kirk has to fight it, and Voltron is all PCHU-PCHU!"
September 1, 2008
Choices
Sometimes it takes something completely ordinary to happen to you before you realize how stupid you are. And sometimes those ordinary things aren't ordinary for normal people. And sometimes the reason those things have become ordinary in your life is because you have just accepted that they are supposed to be that way.
I am here to say that I'm tired of my ordinary mess of a life. And more importantly I am tired of my life being a mess because I wallow in my emotions and drown them in alcohol. And furthermore, I am tired of letting petty little people ruin my mood. Ultimately I control how I feel about things. I can let outside forces ruin my day or I can not put myself in situations where those outside forces and I will come into contact. So basically I'm saying that I will not be hanging out in certain establishments any longer. Nor will I be attending certain events. And finally I will not be talking to certain people anymore. I think this will allow me to calm my hurt and anger to a point that will no longer make me want to wallow.
It was fun for a while but the love has passed.
I am here to say that I'm tired of my ordinary mess of a life. And more importantly I am tired of my life being a mess because I wallow in my emotions and drown them in alcohol. And furthermore, I am tired of letting petty little people ruin my mood. Ultimately I control how I feel about things. I can let outside forces ruin my day or I can not put myself in situations where those outside forces and I will come into contact. So basically I'm saying that I will not be hanging out in certain establishments any longer. Nor will I be attending certain events. And finally I will not be talking to certain people anymore. I think this will allow me to calm my hurt and anger to a point that will no longer make me want to wallow.
It was fun for a while but the love has passed.
August 26, 2008
Blah
My life is in turmoil.
This isn't as bad as it sounds upon first reading but it is in turmoil and has been for close to a year now. The only difference between now and this time last year is that I can no longer pretend like nothing is wrong. Shortly after the first of the year it all started crashing down and it has continued in a downward spiral ever since. The crap thing about all this is that it hasn't been a quick desent. From January 1st until today things have slowly fallen down around me. But when ever something would crash it has taken time for me to realize it crashed. All of a sudden I would turn around and there it was, lying on the ground in pieces.
The worst things about all this hasn't been what you'd think. Sure, getting divorced for anyone else would be the worst thing to happen to them, but for me it was a long time coming and I was numb to it by the time it did happened. For me it has been the loss of enjoyment in all things that I love in my life. Not only have I lost enjoyment in the things I love but I've lost interest in those things as well. Even things that I never thought I'd lose interest in (music and sex come to mind) have become so mundane to me that I can't really remember what I used to love about these things. Weird, I know. Add on top of all this these strange little "attacks" I've been having and life has been less fun than in years past.
When I say "attacks" what I mean is that I have been frequently struck with sudden rushes of adrenaline that send my system into chaos. I have been up since 4 o'clock this morning because of one of these. I sat straight up in the bed out of a deep sleep, in a hot sweat (even though it was cold in my bedroom), with my heart racing a thousand miles an hour. It took close to two hours before I calmed down. I'm still not completely back down to normal as of writing this. The frequency of these "attacks" have increased since I had my first one close to a year ago. There is no rhyme or reason to them. They just happen.
As I originally stated, my life is in turmoil. I've always been up for change in my life but so much has happened in such a small amount of time that I am beginning to fear change. Because it seems that if things change much more I may not be able to cope anymore. Ominous I know but true.
This isn't as bad as it sounds upon first reading but it is in turmoil and has been for close to a year now. The only difference between now and this time last year is that I can no longer pretend like nothing is wrong. Shortly after the first of the year it all started crashing down and it has continued in a downward spiral ever since. The crap thing about all this is that it hasn't been a quick desent. From January 1st until today things have slowly fallen down around me. But when ever something would crash it has taken time for me to realize it crashed. All of a sudden I would turn around and there it was, lying on the ground in pieces.
The worst things about all this hasn't been what you'd think. Sure, getting divorced for anyone else would be the worst thing to happen to them, but for me it was a long time coming and I was numb to it by the time it did happened. For me it has been the loss of enjoyment in all things that I love in my life. Not only have I lost enjoyment in the things I love but I've lost interest in those things as well. Even things that I never thought I'd lose interest in (music and sex come to mind) have become so mundane to me that I can't really remember what I used to love about these things. Weird, I know. Add on top of all this these strange little "attacks" I've been having and life has been less fun than in years past.
When I say "attacks" what I mean is that I have been frequently struck with sudden rushes of adrenaline that send my system into chaos. I have been up since 4 o'clock this morning because of one of these. I sat straight up in the bed out of a deep sleep, in a hot sweat (even though it was cold in my bedroom), with my heart racing a thousand miles an hour. It took close to two hours before I calmed down. I'm still not completely back down to normal as of writing this. The frequency of these "attacks" have increased since I had my first one close to a year ago. There is no rhyme or reason to them. They just happen.
As I originally stated, my life is in turmoil. I've always been up for change in my life but so much has happened in such a small amount of time that I am beginning to fear change. Because it seems that if things change much more I may not be able to cope anymore. Ominous I know but true.
August 22, 2008
Dogwood Hills
It's kinda fun working at a golf course. I never thought I would like getting up at 5 in the morning to drive 45 minutes and sit on my ass for 12 hours. Then driving 45 minutes back home just to grab a bite to eat and hit the bed to start it all over again. But I do like it. Life's funny that way.
August 21, 2008
Autumn Days
This time of year my head starts to spin a bit. There's something about the days growing shorter and the weather getting cooler that lights my senses on fire. It all just feels right. I've been this way all my life and I look forward to it every year.
When I was a kid this time of year always meant back to school. Outwardly I hated going back to school but inside I wanted to see all my friends and get back in the classroom. Granted I didn't want to go back to school to learn, I just wanted the social interaction. That didn't change once college rolled around. In fact it got worse. There is something about being on a college campus in the Fall that is electric. Maybe it's the football games. Maybe it's the feeling of being young. Maybe it's the parties. The funny thing is that even now that I am well beyond the school years it still feels like back to school to me. I wonder if that will ever change?
The two great things about Fall is football season and Halloween. I won't get into either of these in detail this time but in the future I will talk about both. So, as the leaves change and "jacket season" approaches, think back on Autumns past and the possibilities and dreams that changed your life. Think about college and new loves and a changing world that welcomes those young, fresh minds into academia. And think about the fun that fills the air on a chilly October night. I'm going to love the next few moths.
When I was a kid this time of year always meant back to school. Outwardly I hated going back to school but inside I wanted to see all my friends and get back in the classroom. Granted I didn't want to go back to school to learn, I just wanted the social interaction. That didn't change once college rolled around. In fact it got worse. There is something about being on a college campus in the Fall that is electric. Maybe it's the football games. Maybe it's the feeling of being young. Maybe it's the parties. The funny thing is that even now that I am well beyond the school years it still feels like back to school to me. I wonder if that will ever change?
The two great things about Fall is football season and Halloween. I won't get into either of these in detail this time but in the future I will talk about both. So, as the leaves change and "jacket season" approaches, think back on Autumns past and the possibilities and dreams that changed your life. Think about college and new loves and a changing world that welcomes those young, fresh minds into academia. And think about the fun that fills the air on a chilly October night. I'm going to love the next few moths.
The First Cut
It may not be the deepest but everyone remembers the first one. In this case I'm talking about blogs. I have had an ongoing blog over at Myspace for several years now but since that once relevant site is on a downward slide, and since everyone insists that "it sucks", I have decided to branch out to this small corner of the Internet.
As I stated earlier (see first line) I really don't have anything that is more important or enlightening to say than any other asshole who starts one of these things but having a place to call my own is nice. So, for those who have joined me from Myspace (I have come here because of the podcast http://www.cinegeek.com/) or just happened upon this randomly, I say welcome and don't expect much. After all I am a slacker.
As I stated earlier (see first line) I really don't have anything that is more important or enlightening to say than any other asshole who starts one of these things but having a place to call my own is nice. So, for those who have joined me from Myspace (I have come here because of the podcast http://www.cinegeek.com/) or just happened upon this randomly, I say welcome and don't expect much. After all I am a slacker.
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