To Perceive Or Not To Perceive

Sometimes the way we present ourselves comes off a lot differently than who we really are. I have found this out about myself recently. Because of the things I involve myself with and the people I hang out with other people’s perception of me is not what I would call true. I believe everyone should love what they love and I have adapted this philosophy in my own life. I love comic books. I love sci-fi. I love horror. I love video games. I love having three hour conversations about the relevance of Rachael Summers to the X-Men universe proper and the effects of her time travel on the Days of Future Past time line as well as the fact that she does not exist in the present due to the fact that Scott Summers and Jean Grey never had kids of their own.

I also love music. More specifically I love U2. I also love Counting Crows, Soul Asylum and Guns n Roses. When I was younger I had aspirations to be a musician. Well, I wanted to be a rock star anyway. I practiced hard for years in my teens and early twenties. That was all I wanted out of life. I even lived and partied like a rock star for a few years. It was also the only thing I planned for. You can see how that worked out for me.

I love sports as well. I think most people miss this fact because all the other things I love usually don’t add up to being athletic. I was an all-star pitcher when I was twelve years old. I hurt my arm that year and I’ve never been able to throw a ball the same since. I drove all the coaches nuts for six years in junior high and high school because I didn’t play organized sports for the school. If any one of my friends calls me and says there’s a pick game of pretty much anything I ask “where and when?” I have been picked last exactly twice in my life. The first time was in eighth grade when we played baseball one spring day. After I went two for three with a home run and a triple I was never picked last for anything ever again. The other time was when I was twenty-eight and I was playing soccer with some friends. As everyone else was picked and it came down to just me and one other guy I looked at one of my friends and asked, “Seriously?” He picked the other guy. My eyes widened and I said, “What the hell?” He laughed and said, “Relax, you’ve probably never been picked last in your life.” I scored the only goal on my team that day. And it was past my friend that let me be picked last.

I said all that because I feel like maybe I’m not presenting myself in the proper light these days. I love what I love. I have always loved those things and always will. But I’m way more than one area of my life. I love comic books. I love playing softball. I love Charles Bukowski. I love U2. I love my family. I love pop music. I love Star Wars. I love football and porno and books about war. But most importantly I love who I am. I haven’t always been able to say that but it’s a great place to be.